"Stay a while my inner child, I'd like to learn your tricks..."

When I think of Miami, I think of home. When I look online and see my friends, people I knew, the bar, the neighborhood, I smile. And I keep smiling, and I smile so much that it starts to sting, then it starts to hurt as I slowly realize how happy I was with the things that I left behind.

I miss Miami, and I didn't think I'd say that as quickly as I just did. For the first time in my life, I had created something worth having, it seemed, and unlike college, where everyone left after four years, I was the only one to really walk away from it all. I can see that life went on, that the bars open and close, Cervezas still prospers, family still smiles, and friends still meet up for Happy Hour. It's daunting, seeing that life truly doesn't stop. Not that I ever expected it to. It's not like I expected tears from my family, for my friends to stop hanging out at the usual haunts, for Cervezas to board up the windows and close the shop. And I knew it wasn't going to happen that way. But when you actually see that things have moved on, it's strange. Friends I spoke to every day, saw every night, we don't speak as much any more. I might as well be a million miles away. That's life. It's hard to keep in touch with someone you don't know when you'll see again. My family, my sisters are alright. Maybe because I was never really there for them in the first place. I was always too busy. I love them endlessly. I could have showed it more.

Cervezas, a place that I helped build and create, a place that I tried so hard to have succeed, is still succeeding, to an extent that seems to surpass anything I did for them. I'm happy, I truly am, but it's not something I'm a part of anymore. I miss it. I took a lot of things for granted at times back home, but mainly that place. I spent the better part of a year working hard, helping that place grow, not so I could be promoted, but because I sincerely loved what it was, what they did, and the experience we offered. I defended it fiercely, and fought for it and it's reputation always. It was like a family. 6 of us, running a brand new bar, a tiny little beer bar in the heart of South Miami. We grew our selection to rival anyones in the city, we got the New Times and AOL to award us in our first year. We got some of the biggest microbreweries in the country to notice us, and to want to work with us. I was so proud of the things we did, of what we'd built. Then I changed, and over the course of a few months I managed to let it all go. I walked away, not really realizing what it was that I was walking away from. Yea, there were difficulties and differences, but nothing drastic. I should have done better.

Moving back in to my parents house in Miami and starting from scratch was akin to failure on all counts in my eyes. Going home empty handed and angry, I might as well have been 13 years old again. So I decided not to. What I'd built in Miami, what I had created for myself, it was gone. Things were changing, so I walked away, and as much as I miss Miami, I know that what I go back to when I visit won't be the Miami I miss. Things will never be like they were, ever again. The same as when I left college and everything changed. The only solution is to rebuild. Start anew, a fresh, clean slate. Replace what you miss with new things to love, new things to miss later in life.

But when I get home, you know where I'll be. Happy Hour at Boug's with whatever is left of the Five Guys, catching the game at Cervezas with the crew and the best regulars I've ever had, the ones that became some of my best friends. Barhopping in South Miami, shows at Churchill's. I want to pick up my sister's from school and hang out with them. I want to hang out with my nephew. Pool at Shooter's. Coffee and cigarettes, poetry and friends at Starbucks. I'm going to have lunch at Sports Grill with my uncle, I'm going to sing and play songs with the boys. I'm going to go where they know me, love me, and throw in a free drink and a hell of a discount every now and then.

Home isn't a house, a city. Home is the people you've loved, the places you were, and the things you did. Home is happy, it's what you make of it. Rest assured, I'm not sad.

I just miss home.